I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize