I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
