I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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