Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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