I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
