4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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