you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
