my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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