I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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