You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The power of my boobs compel you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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