I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can I color on your dick again?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Maybe he injected his testicle?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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