The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
