Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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