Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She needs sedatives and a leash
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
