Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
