dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.