omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.