Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.