Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
