Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
