is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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