they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
