lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
