Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
