This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
