Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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