I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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