yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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