The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
