like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
