Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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