Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
