the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
