I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
