i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
