Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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