My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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