Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Couch. On fire.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
