Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
