Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
