I wanna bring you to show and tell
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
