Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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