I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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