I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
