I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
