Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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