puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
