The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need moral support for this bender
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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