My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
