He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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