Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cockslap morals
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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