Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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