I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
