Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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