For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize