do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize