I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
this hospital has no fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
