you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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