went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
