Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
