ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
