I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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