If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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