I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
