they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
