he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
