This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
