So drunk its hurt
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
