If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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