i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
