3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
