You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
