Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
