I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
