you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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