turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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