Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Houston, we have a squirter
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Alive.
So much puke
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize