Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
