Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
