I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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