honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
