i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
