i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
