She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
