i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
