TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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