Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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