I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its liver damage thursday
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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